Identity issues?

It seems now is still a transition time. That is the time between the end of school and leaving for the states. This transition has not at all been an easy one. There are so many things that I would like to get done, but I just don’t have the skills or the know how to do it. So, these past few weeks have been a struggle between wanting to get stuff done, doing stuff that I have no clue really how to do, and thinking up more stuff to occupy my time. What was created in this was an interesting mix of ideas, focusless drive, and a general sense of “what am I doing?” The DTS is going through a time of transition as well, so there has been some quandary about where it is going and how it will look.

You might ask why I would start my update like that. Well, these events and absence of schedule have thrown me into a bit of an identity crisis. Yes, it would be easier to tell you all of the twice-in-one-day, almost-incidents with crazy semi-truck drivers on Ukrainian highways, but that would just be surface stuff that makes newsletters sound exciting. Those stories aren’t bad, don’t get me wrong. I would rather let you know what God is doing in preparation for the next whatevers that may come my way.

This time of no school has been really good for me. Well, at least a revealing time. Some things have surfaced that quite frankly scare me. Things like, being short with people, lack of self discipline, bitterness, you name it, it is showing. I look at these things and say, “wow that is pretty uncharacteristic of me.” But the reality of it is, the mask is finally falling. It is a really cool thing to see. Yes, it is stressful, not fun to deal with, and sometimes ugly, but none the less good to see God bringing it up. Cause when He shows these things, he is not wanting discourage me or to shame me. This means that there is something that He wants to heal.

Have I tried to “pull myself together” and “get over it?” Oh yeah. But this only perpetuated the situation. So I have come to the interesting place of, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light.” Matt 11:28-30 Trying to pull myself together seems ridiculous after that huh? I could sacrifice anything and everything, but without obedience, that sacrifice is nothing. Obedience could include sacrifice, yes. But the results are way different.

So, along with my parents coming into town, my future is bringing, of all things, an Identity in Christ seminar. How perfect timing is that? I am really looking forward to a next few weeks of falling flat on my face and watching what changes will happen despite my efforts to help. See most of you soon.